Surrender
by gsugirl
Summary: Horatio discovers that loneliness can be unpalatable when someone he loves is so close yet far away. He also discovers that he isn't the only person to ever experience hurt and pain. This story is occurs six months before my one-shot "Torn". Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Surrender

Chapter 1 - Loneliness

Horatio Caine strode down the hall of the Crime Lab and walked into his office. Quickly closing the door behind him, he placed his hands on his hips and exhaled with a ragged breath as his shoulders dropped tiredly. Thank God the noon hour had finally arrived.

While his team had dispersed quickly in search of a bite to eat, he'd chosen instead to make a beeline to his office not to 'catch up on paperwork' as he'd told them, but to have a moment for himself...as if he hadn't had enough of those lately. Despite their invitations, he just wasn't in the mood for their company…only her's.

His had been an unusually quiet morning. There had been no new crime scenes to process or suspects awaiting him in the interrogation rooms downstairs. Just an ordinary day filled with those routine tasks that gave him a much-needed, although unwanted, respite from the barrage of new cases he'd worked over the past three weeks.

Physically, his body told him he was approaching the point of exhaustion…most likely from the insane hours he'd worked recently. His puffy, red-rimmed eyes screamed of a lack of sleep and his diet as of late had left much to be desired. Emotionally, he felt as if he was at the bottom of a dark hole. There were even times in recent days when he'd found himself slightly confused...'distracted' as Eric had kindly termed it. But that, he knew, had more to do with simply his workload. It had everything to do with her...or the absence of her.

It seemed rather ironic to him that he was so miserable. Being lonely wasn't exactly a new state of mind for him. Loneliness was, in fact, the only faithful companion he'd ever really known. It had slowly drifted away during the 18 months he'd been with her. But, true to form, the 'old bastard' as he dubbed it had returned shortly after he drove away from her home three weeks ago. But, for some strange reason, this time, the misery was proving to be intolerable.

Stepping over to his desk and seating himself, he leaned forward, propped his elbows on the polished top as he glanced disinterestedly at the work surrounding him. All he could think about at the moment was hearing her voice...seeing her face...and holding her again.

Knowing that was not about to happen, he grabbed a lab report from atop the stack awaiting him, skimmed the contents quickly paying scarce attention to the actual details, initialed the signature line at the bottom and tossed the pen aside. With this task completed, he looked around his well-appointed office wondering what he could now find to take his mind off his present circumstances.

Perhaps there'd be another call-out. Call-outs had kept him busy, yet sane in recent days. They had created the much needed diversions that kept the loneliness at bay…for a time.

But call-outs don't have a warm smile or tender touch. They don't have an infectious laugh nor an oft-times wicked sense of humor. Call-outs aren't a listening ear or a source of advice for issues related to work or family. Call-outs don't apologize profusely for serving slightly overcooked dinners promising to one day improve their culinary skills. And call-outs don't wear that perfume…a scent that tantalized his senses whenever she came around. Call-outs just aren't her.

Sitting back in his chair, he turned toward the window and stared out at the Miami skyline in an effort to re-direct his thoughts. He was to testify in a murder case in three days and needed to review his testimony. Even though the evidence was rock-solid, he respected the defense attorney and expected the cross examination to be tough. So he opened the folder once again, this time fully intending to read the information carefully…until he caught a glimpse of a plane out of the corner of his eye making its descent toward the earth.

_"Is that her plane?" he thought squinting into the noonday sun._

Glancing down at his watch, he noted that her flight wasn't due to land at Miami International until hours from now. Four hours from now in fact.

She'd been in Washington D.C. for the past three days on business…a trip that was planned long before their 'parting of the ways'. He'd promised to drive her out to the airport so her car wouldn't have to sit in 'Park and Fly' for three days. He also wanted to to spend as much time as possible with her before she left. So much for those plans. He wondered who she'd called to help her out.

'_Good ole Charlie perhaps?' he mused jealously._

"_Alright, enough of this nonsense. Get a grip, Caine. You've got work to do," he grumbled to himself as he began wearily thumbing through the case notes._

Turning back toward his desk, he opened a drawer in search of a highlighter and spotted a photograph of her he had discreetly kept hidden in order to both protect his privacy and avoid offending Eric. Pulling it out, he recalled how he considered discarding it but he hadn't the heart to do so. There was something about the two of them together that he couldn't bring himself to throw away. Did she feel that way as well? God, he hoped so. Might there be any hope?

Laying his head on the back of his chair, he closed his eyes. Thinking that a brief nap might lift his spirits, he only found himself fighting sleep as he thought back to their first meeting.

He first noticed her standing against the wall nursing a glass of Riesling looking totally out-of-place. She wasn't stunning, not by Miami standards. But the absence of designer clothing, breast implants, and Botox injections was made up for it in other ways. He found her attractive in a natural sense…classy…poised…and he later discovered intelligent with interests surprisingly similar to his. A stark contrast to the other single women diligently working the room of wealthy businessmen at Miguel's dinner party.

Mingling through the crowd, he overheard her quiet conversation with an elderly philanthropist about her work and found himself intrigued, so he called Miguel aside and requested a personal introduction. With an understanding nod and a sly grin, the arrangements were made and from the moment she shook his extended introducing herself simply as Karen from the 'Women and Children's Center', he was smitten, although it took months for him to admit it.

Now, he found himself being forced to admit something else. He'd come to a point where he'd run out of options. There were only two courses of action for him. Surrender himself to her or surrender himself to life without her. Both ideas scared the hell out of him.

Shaking his head slightly, he thought of how cowardly he'd always considered the act of surrender to be. To his way of thinking, it implied weakness and a weak man he was not.

As a child, he'd been forced to endure more brutality that a human being should, always taking his beatings, yet refusing let his old man see him cry because that would be surrender. As an adult, he'd seen so many once arrogant suspects surrender under the intensity of his interrogations or the weight of evidence he'd been smart enough to collect. He always relished the look of defeat and humiliation on their faces when they finally came to the end of themselves and just gave up. Now, he found himself forced to face circumstances much like theirs. Do you continue to wage a war you cannot win or do you reach out for the self-preservation that surrender sometimes brings?

Remembering he'd skipped breakfast as pangs of hunger rumbled in his belly, he looked around his desk in search of his sunglasses.

_"I've had enough of this shit. I'm gettin' out of here...goin' to the house__. I'm done for today," he grunted as he found them._

Rising from his chair, he crammed the report in a side drawer and made his way down the hall toward the elevator giving Walter and Ryan perfunctory greetings as he made his way to the Break Room.

Spotting Calleigh and Eric at a corner table finishing a shared sandwich, he began, "I'm…uh…gonna grab some lunch and take the afternoon off. Personal time. Calleigh, will you cover until the night shift signs in?"

"Will do," the blond replied taking a final sip before capping her bottle of water. "You've been working non-stop for days now. You need some time off. Enjoy your evening. I've got this."

"Thanks. See you both in the morning. I'm on the cell if needed," the red head replied as he turned toward the door.

"Get some rest," Calleigh replied as her voice trailed off.

"And give her a call..." Eric added playfully ignoring his companion's sharp kick under the table.

Ten-thirty that evening found him parked along the curb outside her house with his white flag on the passenger's seat and his hope for a new beginning in his jacket pocket. Looking toward the dim light shining from her bedroom window, he found himself dealing with, what was for him, an unfamiliar emotion…fear. The last time he'd left this house, he'd been extremely disappointed. What if tonight proved to be no different? Their break up had been a quiet one with little drama, but he knew from the look on her face when he left that she'd been hurt. Did she want to hear from him again? What if he found that she wasn't as miserable as he?

Smirking, he remembered several women in his distant and recent past that would have jumped through hoops to have been offered what he had offered her over dinner that night. Yet, she'd turned him down. How dare she? Just who did she think she was?

As a twinge of suppressed anger re-surfaced, the thought of leaving entered his mind. Finding female companionship wouldn't be hard for him despite the fact that he was staring at 60. It certainly hadn't been last Saturday when he'd joined a friend of Frank's new wife for drinks.

She'd introduced herself to him beside the pool at a bar-b-que he was attending in celebration of Frank's 55th birthday. She'd noticed his somber mood as he quietly nursed his beer and moved in on him in a way that he considered rather bold.

_"Tell me about your wife's friend, Frank," he'd asked curiously when she'd excused herself for a trip to the powder room._

_"A woman you'd be wise to steer clear of, Horatio. She does 'get around' if you know what I mean. I don't see why Susan puts up with her to tell you the truth. Ain't nothing to her but a boatload of trouble."_

_"Maybe so, but she's very beautiful, that's for sure."_

_"Yeah...well remember everything that glitters ain't gold, my friend. Be careful!"_

After the party as he watched everyone leaving in pairs, he experienced an uncharacteristic moment of weakness or what Frank would have termed 'temporary male insanity', and found himself at her place for a nightcap. She chattered endlessly about her plans to re-decorate her new condo and a promotion she was in line for at work. He'd returned polite conversation even though she bored him to tears and came dangerously close to sleeping with her, not because he particularly wanted to, but because he needed someone...anyone. And she was quick to let him know she was available and willing to accommodate his need as just as Frank had warned him.

But fate had intervened. Sensing his initial hesitancy, she'd taken the initiative and he'd found himself eager to follow only to close his eyes as she passionately kissed him and found himself wishing she were Karen...sweet Karen.

_Quickly pulling away from her hoping she hadn't noticed how rattled he was, she cocked her head, ran her hands sensuously across his chest and said_, _'You're a lonely man, Lieutenant. Come on...nothing wrong with the two of us having a little fun. Whoever's on your mind isn't here and I am. We're both adults. Don't hold back. It's just...you know...a casual thing. No thinking required."_

_'You have a point, but, but...uh...I'm sorry. I'm not into this type of thing. I'll show myself out,' he said buttoning his shirt as he rose to leave._

_'Alright...suit yourself. But remember, I'm here tonight and she isn't.'_

Saying a quick goodnight, he'd driven home in a guilt-ridden silence. He'd considered texting Karen just to see if he would get a response, but pride intermingled with guilt and wouldn't allow it. So he'd poured himself a stiff drink, took a shower, and fell into a restless sleep as the walls of his condo screamed her name.

A late night jogger passed by his vehicle jolting him back to the present. The console clock made him aware that it was approaching the eleven o'clock hour. Knowing that she was probably nestled under her comforter 'reading herself to sleep' as she terrmed it, he checked his appearance one last time before stepping out of the vehicle.

He'd never proposed marriage to anyone before. The closest he'd come was loaning Raymond money so he could by a ring when he proposed to Yelina. Now that was awkward. Marisol's surprise proposal came at a time when he found himself much like he was now...alone when everyone around him seemed 'paired up' and more desperate than he wanted to admit. That relationship had resulted in disaster that had led to years of grief. What if this one did as well? He'd have to do a better job at protecting her. And unlike Marisol, she would listen to him...he'd see to that.

Gathering the bouquet on the seat beside him, he reached for the door handle on his Lexus just as a luxury SUV approached opposite him and swerved into her driveway.

"Hmmm...wonder who that could be...and at this hour?" he asked himself curiously with a sideways glance.

Swallowing hard, he breathed deeply as he watched the surprising scene play out before him. Seconds later, the porch light flashed on and illuminated the front door as it swung open in welcome.

And there she stood with a smile, a smile he'd always considered uniquely his, and outstretched hand inviting her late-night visitor inside. Watching as the door closed behind them. he tossed the white roses aside and quickly started his engine.

"Damn you, Karen...damn you!" he thundered to himself as he sped away.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disasters

Karen Jenkins rolled over in bed and squinted at the alarm clock on her bedside table. 5:45 AM. Yawning tiredly, she struggled to push herself upright moaning softly upon realizing how little she had slept the night before. But, the truth be told, she had expected that. It was a price she knew she would pay when she made the decision to alter the itinerary of her D.C. trip. Making that decision was something she was simply compelled to do. Some things would always remain a constant with her.

Rubbing her eyes as she turned on the bedside lamp, she reached for her phone and checked her messages. Seeing an expected one, she smiled slightly as she read it and began a quick response.

_Thanks for last night. Needed you more than I thought. Talk soon. Love ya'. K._

Pressing send, she bit her bottom lip as she thought of the last line…_'love ya'. _He was a good man, a great friend who had been her 'go-to' guy so many times in the past. She knew he genuinely cared for her. Last night was proof of that. He'd sensed her need for him and out-of-the blue he'd called offering to help ward off her ghosts that he knew were visiting her.

But despite being a wonderful man and good for her, he unfortunately, wasn't what she truly wanted. He wasn't Horatio Caine.

Horatio Caine. What a beautiful disaster he was…what a beautiful disaster their relationship had become. Closing her eyes as she sank back into the pillow, she thought of Val's parting words as her friend dropped her off at Miami International.

"_Thanks for the drop off, friend. You're a life-saver."_

_"No problem...give me a call when you get back. I'll swing by and pick you up."_

_ "Nah. I'll catch a cab when I return. My return flight is due to arrive late. Your kids will be home from school by then. No need to disturb them.__**"**_

"_Okay…if you say so. But call me if you should get in earlier. Listen, you knock 'em dead in DC. You're gonna be great. We'll get that grant money. It's gonna happen!"_

"_Hope so. You know how much I hate rubbing elbows with a bunch of bureaucrats and politicians with my hat in my hand. But our clients are so needy and that old building is falling down around us. This proposal is so important to an underserved population of Miami. Tallahassee has done their part. Private donations are up considerably this year. I just pray Washington comes through."_

"_They will. Your proposal is well-written and you've got the fire and the passion to present it. So…no worries on that front. Now, promise that you will do something for me?_

"_Bring back a souvenir?"_

"_Ah…no. Use this trip for your advantage. You need a change of scenery. Try to forget about him…please."_

"_Val, let's don't go into that."_

"_He's not good for you, Karen. He's too dark. He's too cold. He's too…distant. He just isn't right."_

"_You don't really know him, Val. Not like I do. Horatio's wounded. He's dealt with a lot of hurt. He's not what you think. He's just desperate. There's light in him."_

"_You've dealt with hurt too, my friend. You need someone who will appreciate that. Horatio Caine's temperament is enough to drain the emotional well-being out of any woman. His walking away from you was in your best interest."_

"_Let's just drop this, okay. I've got to get inside and clear through security if I want to catch my flight. See you later Val." _

Tossing back the comforter and making her way to her bathroom, she flipped on the light, splashed water on her face and ran a brush through her tousled hair frowning at the dark circles under her eyes.

Why couldn't she simply dismiss Horatio Caine? Perhaps it was because she couldn't dismiss anybody she truly loved. Instead of providing a much-needed diversion, Washington had reminded her so much of him. The nation's capital had greeted her with dark gray skies, cold, blustery winds, with intermittent snow. A stark contrast to warm tropical climate that was Miami. D. C. was strong, courageous, imposing, and full of political swagger that she understood little of. The city had been welcoming, yet somewhat aloof and distant. Much like Horatio had been with her in the beginning and at various points in between.

There hadn't been more than two sentences exchanged between them as they met at Miguel's dinner party. They'd been introduced and she'd given him her business card as she had done throughout much of the evening. She was shocked when he'd scheduled an appointment with her assistant the next day requesting a tour of the facilities and an overview of their program.

She'd found herself uncharacteristically nervous as she'd shown him around the Center. The kids were rambunctious that day…a full moon she had glibly noted to him as he smiled slightly and nodded. But he seemed to enjoy their antics. He wasn't like the other contributors who were more pre-occupied with their cell phones and busy schedules than the actual activities at the Center. To her surprise, he seemed genuinely interested in what had become her passion.

When 4 year old Maria had interrupted their conversation to report that Ricky had called her a 'poopy head', he'd chuckled and said, _'I'll bet it's because he likes you. Boys can be like that. They call girls names if they really them. It's our way.'_

'_But I don't like boys…I think they smell like stink,' Maria had countered staring stubbornly at his tilted head._

'_At times we do, Sweetheart, but one day I'm guessing you'll change your mind. And I'll bet Ricky will too."_

He'd left a half-hour later after leaving a generous check on her desk with a promise to check in from time to time. She'd been floored when he'd called the following Friday as she was closing up and asked if she would consider meeting him for a drink.

Glancing down at herself, clad in jeans and blouse, she'd recalled his dark tailored suit and silk shirt and fumbled for an excuse hoping he'd understand.

_'I...um...I'm not exactly dressed for a place that you would frequent. Tonight just wouldn't work. I'm sorry.'_

'_No worries. There's a little restaurant that I think you'd like over at Bayside. It's extremely casual. I'd like to hear more about the romance of Ricky and Maria. I'd like to um…talk I'd like an up-date on the Center."_

Detecting an unspoken plea in his voice, she said yes emptying her purse on her desk in search of her make-up bag hoping to as her mother used to say, _'make herself presentable.'_ This wasn't a date, she reasoned…just another opportunity to promote the center. You have to make the most of every opportunity when you have a shoe-string budget.

The drink they'd shared turned into a burger and fries as she had found him at a corner table with his jacket in the back of his Hummer and his sleeves rolled up in his effort to match her 'look'. She'd laughed once again, as she had for much of the duration of that evening and their ensuing relationship.

In the months that followed, she'd fallen in love so quickly it actually scared her, but she'd always recognized that he was 'above her'. Now she was sure he'd come to that realization as well. Despite his professed feelings for her a few months ago, she'd come to the realization that he saw her only as a passing dalliance. Maybe he knew his offer three weeks ago was something she wouldn't accept, hence bringing an end to them. He was highly intelligent and he had played a simpleton like her brilliantly.

But, one positive thing had come out of her time with him. She had gained some solace from her own pain. A pain that was so personal and so deep…that she found it impossible to share with others.

Charley and Val knew her secret…they had propped her up when the days were dark. But she had shared none of that with Horatio despite desperately wanting to.

She made an attempt on the night he told her he loved her. As their evening turned intimate, she'd wanted to share her innermost self with him. As she tearfully searched for the words, his lips met hers and he murmured, _'Shhhh. No tears, Sweetheart. Just this…' _ And then she was lost…lost to him as she often found herself when in his arms.

Today, however, was a new day. Horatio was long gone and she had come full circle. Alone…once again grieving…looking inward for strength for keeping herself together. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she squared her shoulders and said, "I beat this once. I'll beat this again."

Hearing the chirp of her phone, she returned to the bedroom frowning as she noted the identity of the caller.

"Good morning, Raul… what's going on...a bit under the weather?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

"No ma'am…I'm okay, but there's a big problem. I'm...uh...not sure how to tell you about it."

"Just come out and say it. What's wrong?"

As Raul began speaking, she suddenly found herself speechless. Easing down on the edge of her bed, her body began to tremble as the room started to spin. Fearing she was about to faint, she lay back down and was silent until she heard the Center's custodian calling her name.

"Miss Karen…Miss Karen…are you there?"

Suddenly finding her voice, she whispered, "Yes, Raul, I'm here. I'm on my way. See you shortly."

Horatio's Hummer sped down the Causeway toward 77th Street with lights flashing dodging early morning traffic in search of a familiar address. Turning off onto a side street, his worst thoughts were realized as the sights around him overwhelmed his senses.

Finally arriving at his destination, he pulled onto the curb and stepped down from his vehicle. The work around him was frenetic with activity. Fires usually are.

The sharp shouts and commands of the first responders could be heard over the roar of the engines of the tanker truck and fire engine nearby. Columns of black smoke billowed into the air rapidly becoming interwoven with the milky-white pre-dawn clouds creating an ominous gray sky.

Looking to his left, he observed several small pockets of smoldering embers being hastily attended to by the drenched firefighters who were oblivious to those around them as they went about completing their unhappy chore.

After the failure of last evening, he'd wanted a call-out, but definitely not anything like this. Remembering the late night visitor arriving at her house and his reason for being there, he grimaced. He was still angry with her, but he never wanted this. He wouldn't wish this on anybody.

Spying the Battalion Captain, an old friend from his Bomb Squad Days removing his headgear, he made his way toward the fire engine calling out, "Bob, everything under control here?"

"Morning, Horatio. Yeah, we've got this one squared away. Just clearing up a few hot spots here and there. Damn shame isn't it," he replied shaking his head.

"That it is. What happened? Anything you can tell me?" Horatio asked somberly.

"A guy making a delivery to a neighborhood grocery saw the smoke and called it in. The custodian arrived just as we were pulling up. He was coming in to open the building this morning. Good thing he was late or he might have been inside."

"Yeah, it's a good thing nobody was in the building…especially those kids. Any word from the Director?"

"She's been notified and is on her way. The sign over there says it's a Women and Children's Center. You know anything about this place?"

"I do and I'm...um...acquainted with the Director," Horatio replied looking down at his hands.

"Well, I'll say it again, it's a damn shame. There are some places in this neighborhood that probably need to burn, but this isn't one of them."

"Any idea on the cause?" Horatio queried as he glanced toward his friend.

Before the Captain could answer, both men turned toward the sound of a commotion coming from a few yards away.

"_Ma'am, you can't be here. I've told you that you've got to get back behind that tape. This is a restricted area."_

"_I'm sorry, but I need to be here. Who is in charge? I need to speak to someone in charge. I run this center."_

"_Okay…fine you're in charge of this place, but you must go back to the curb and wait for my Captain. He's somewhere around here. Probably talking with the cops."_

"Now I wonder who she could be?" the Captain wondered aloud squinting slightly at the frazzled figure in the distance.

"She would be the Director. Her name is Karen Jenkins," Horatio answered softly.

"Oh….well in that case…hey Brad…she's okay. The Lieutenant says she's the Director. He vouches for her. Let her through."

Watching her walk toward the pair as she eyed the charred building around her, Horatio was surprised by her demeanor. There was something different about her…a look that was unlike anything he'd ever seen in her before. She was stunned and surprised as expected. But also scared…and perhaps something else that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Extending a trembling manicured hand to the Captain while purposefully ignoring him, she introduced herself asking, "Do you know what started this? Is everything…gone?"

"Ma'am, this building is old. The fire appears to have started around the kitchen. That's a total burn-out. The office area is badly damaged. Smoke and water damage will be significant to the rest of the place. I'm guessing it was probably the wiring that set it aflame, but we won't know for sure until we investigate."

"Sir we have passed county and state inspections every year and were told that the building was up to code despite its age. I don't see how this could have happened."

"If it isn't the wiring, then someone on your staff could have been either careless or disgruntled. You never know with people these days."

"You aren't suggesting arson?" Karen asked incredulously.

"As I said…you never know with people these days."

Catching a glance at a silent Horatio, Karen answered softly, "My staff works very hard and are very dedicated. They are not careless people. They are…no…**we** are committed to this place."

"Just what exactly do you do here, Ms. Jenkins?"

"We operate a community center for low income families' particularly helping single mothers. We basically provide affordable child care and family support for working women in the neighborhood. We also have an after school program for school-aged kids so they have safe shelter when school is out. And there's Saturday activities for our kids twice a month in hopes of keeping them off the streets. We're trying to help people in this neighborhood."

"Alright, so you're one of those 'community do-gooder' organizations…any behavior problems with the kids? Make any parents angry when you disciplined their 'little darlings'?" the Captain gruffed.

Bristling slightly, Karen closed her eyes and cleared her throat before answering, "There are always discipline issues with children, Captain. Anybody with an ounce of common sense would tell you that. Yes, we have some issues from time to time, but nothing that would lead to anything like this! Anything else you'd care to ask me?"

"Not at this time. I'll leave you to Lieutenant Caine. We'll clear up things here and get our investigation started. I'll be in touch, Ms. Jenkins."

Watching the Captain walk away, Karen began squinting as the smoke caused her eyes to burn and sting. Suddenly she began coughing profusely finding it difficult to breathe.

"You alright?" Horatio asked giving her a sideways glance.

"Yeah…I'm fine…never better," she coughed avoiding Horatio's gaze.

"Karen, you've been in Washington for the past three days. Could anything have happened here that you haven't been told about?"

"Horatio, you know that when I'm not in the office I call at least twice every day. Val said that everything was fine while I was gone."

"Maybe Val wasn't being completely honest with you."

"I trust Val. She's a good assistant and a very close friend. She wouldn't lie to me."

Smiling slightly the red head continued carefully, "Sometimes one learns that they don't know a person as good as they thought they did. Sometimes people we think we know do things that surprise us."

"Um…you are correct Lieutenant. Some people are like that. But Val is not like that. Val is straight-up with me. Always has been."

"Okay…Karen, I know you went to Washington to get funding for a new facility to replace this building. A fire like this could definitely force Washington's hand in providing that funding. It would make the need more...urgent," Horatio stated flatly as his blue eyes met hers.

"Really, Horatio! What are you implying? Just what are you trying to say? Do you honestly think I knew about or had anything to do with this disaster?" she thundered waving her hand at the smoldering building.

"Keep your voice down, Karen."

"I will not keep my voice down! Just what are you implying with that accusation?"

"I'm not implying anything, but these questions will arise and must be answered. If you've got something to tell me, I'm listening. Go ahead and do it."

Feeling as if her head was about to explode, another bout of coughing began making it difficult for the brunette to speak. Finding her raspy voice, she struggled to catch her breath and said, "I only have one thing to say to you, Lieutenant…go to hell!"

Turning sharply, the coughing began again as she began making her way back towards her vehicle.

"Karen!" was the last sound she heard before collapsing on the sidewalk.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Anger, Fear, and Questions

Horatio stared down at the woman lying in his arms his anger becoming a stunned state of disbelief. Moments earlier, she was conscious…very conscious…telling him to 'go to hell' conscious. Now her only sign of life was the soft gasps coming from her parted lips.

Then, in a split second, they returned to him. They often had in the years before he'd met Karen. There were times when it seemed they'd never really left him, always living within his sub-conscious mind...never really far away.

Sometimes it was Speed. That often dour, always carefree young man, lay bleeding on the floor of the jewelry store staring up at the ceiling with a distant look in his eyes as his life drifted away before Horatio's eyes.

'_Speed…Speed…Speed,'_ he'd begged knowing from the location of the bullet wound and copious amount of blood loss that holding onto life was not possible.

On his loneliest nights it was Marisol, her hand slipping from his as he sat somberly at her bedside watching her warm smile fade into nothingness.

_'Goodnight, Sweetheart,'_ he'd murmured softly barely allowing himself to look at her as she breathed her last.

And then, there was Raymond. How many times had he re-lived taking that reckless free-spirit down from the rafters after discovering him hanging in that dilapidated shack deep in the jungles of Rio.

_'I love you,'_ were the last words he could muster to the brother he so desperately loved, but was helpless to save.

Yes, they'd come back to him again, but this time he couldn't cling to them as he had in the past. Today, at this moment, he must choose to ignore them. He must focus. They were gone. They were his past. He may need them, but they no longer needed him. Karen was here. Karen was now. Karen needed him. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, he needed Karen.

"Karen! Karen! Karen…Open your eyes!" Horatio implored shaking her gingerly pushing her light brown hair away from her face. "Come on, Sweetheart! Open your eyes! I need you to open your eyes. Look at me!"

Hearing her rasping for breath, he frantically looked around, finally spotting the Fire Engine, and yelled, "Bob! Get a paramedic over here! I need a paramedic now!"

Seconds later as two paramedics arrived, the red-head found himself being pushed aside reluctantly releasing his grasp on Karen's slight frame.

"What happened here, Lieutenant?" a middle-aged paramedic asked hurriedly as he stooped beside Karen's head and set his kit down at beside Horatio's feet.

"I…don't know. She was fine a few minutes ago…conscious and talking…and then she turned to walk away and just…collapsed."

"Okay…Lieutenant, I need for you to let her go. Her breathing sounds labored. Let us have her. We need to get to work."

Tuning out the paramedic's words as he down stared at Karen's face, Horatio instinctively pulled her towards him. He wasn't ready to let go…not yet.

"Listen to me Karen! Open your eyes! Look at me. You can do this," he commanded softly with a tilt of his head.

"Lieutenant…it's time to give her to us. We'll take good care of her," a female paramedic quietly ordered with an understanding smile as she began carefully removing his fingers from Karen's shoulders.

Slowly rising to his feet, he stepped back and watched as paramedics measured Karen's vital signs.

"Pulmonary function is impaired. Let's get some oxygen going here. Lieutenant, was she experiencing any coughing, chest discomfort, or shortness of breath when you were talking to her?"

"She was coughing…coughing a great deal. I presumed from the smoke."

"Probably…there's definitely something going on with her breathing. Her heart rate is stable for the moment. Some fresh air will do her a lot of good I think," the female paramedic replied placing a portable mask over Karen's nose.

Karen's eyelids began to twitch as the treatment began slowing taking effect. As a stretcher was brought to the scene, Karen's eyes flew open as she turned her head and attempted to push the mask away from her face.

"No, Karen! Don't be frightened. You're okay. You need this mask right now. We're gonna take you over to the bus and check you out further. You're going to be fine. Let's get going," the female paramedic said softly quickly taking hold of Karen's hand.

As he watched the stretcher being rolled away, Horatio's eyes met Karen's briefly. The anger was gone. _'More than likely temporarily,' he mumbled to himself remembering their conversation. _

Fear had definitely replaced her anger…but there was something else too…sadness…a deep sadness that, now that he thought about it, he had to admit he'd seen before but hadn't been able to get her to open up to him about.

It was hours after the lab had closed the high-profile Hernandez murder case. He'd stopped by the Center early one evening finding her alone in her office. Leaning against the door frame and slipping his sunglasses in his pocket, he'd just quietly watched her for a while thinking that he needed to confess his deepening feelings for her.

She was working late that evening. Facing the laptop screen on her desk, she was deeply engrossed on the task at hand oblivious to his or anyone else's presence. That was okay with him though. It was that dedication, that commitment that he found quite appealing. Why had it been a problem three weeks ago?

Stopping suddenly, she'd closed her eyes, leaned back in her chair, and cleared her throat. Her chin began to tremble as she wiped away a tear. Reaching across her desk for a tissue, she looked up and noticed him. He felt ashamed... almost like an intruder as she forced a smile while swiftly collecting herself.

'_Horatio…I didn't hear you come in. How long have you been standing there?'_

'_Not long…just got here,' he'd lied._

_Walking toward him, she'd taken his hand in hers. 'Come in. This is a surprise. Wasn't expecting to see you today__.'_

'_Bad timing? Am I interrupting something important?'_

'_Quarterly reports. Due out on Monday. One of those things I gotta do.'_

'_Can I help?'_

'_Only if you can turn dimes into dollars,' she'd chuckled._

'_Is it that bad?'_

'_No worries. We're okay.'_

'_If things get serious will you tell me?'_

'_I would…but I won't have you focusing on that. Now…what about you? What's going on with Miami's most handsome cop?'_

'_We closed a big case today and are planning a little celebration. I'd, uh, like the beautiful Karen Jenkins to be on my arm.'_

'_Oh…when…where?' she'd stammered._

'_In a few minutes in fact…at the Marina at a little place my team enjoys. Can you break away?'_

'_Uh…yeah…let me close up here. I won't be but a moment.'_

She'd accompanied him that evening, but had been unusually quiet. He'd asked if she felt okay and she'd perked up considerably, but he knew it was only for his benefit.

_Pulling away from his embrace, she'd turned her head away and said,_ _'I'm no good tonight, Horatio. Can I call you tomorrow? I'm just no good.'_

'_I'm worried about you, Karen. Is something bothering you? Are you ill?'_

'_I'm just tired and a bit…depressed I guess. I'll be alright.'_

'_Then I'll let you get some rest. I'll get out of your way.'_

'_I'm sorry, Horatio. I'm just…this just isn't a good day for me. Come over for dinner tomorrow…around 6. I'll be better…I promise.'_

'_Until tomorrow,' he'd answered lifting her chin and kissing her tenderly before heading toward the door._

He'd found her better the next day. She seemed back to her old self. He'd attributed her mood to fatigue. He'd dismissed the evening from his mind…until now.

The noise of the gathering crowd diverted his attention away from his concerns. The morning sun and rising temperatures had brought out the people who typically gravitate to such disasters.

There were the curious, rubberneckers who stood behind the yellow tape and gawked wanting to have something to tell their companions about after they were dispersed a few minutes later.

There were the genuinely concerned…those who shook their heads and lamented about how something so beneficial to a battered community was suddenly lost.

And there was another element…something that registered with him immediately but he couldn't entirely focus on because of the commotion going on around the emergency medical vehicle.

Karen was much revived and was giving the paramedics all they could ask for. From all indications, she was refusing transport to the hospital for further medical attention.

"I'm fine. I don't need any further treatment. I'm okay. I've dealt with this before," she argued with the paramedics.

"You condition has improved, Ms. Jenkins, but we feel more treatment is necessary."

"I have my inhalers at home. I'll go home and rest. I'm good. Thank you for all you've done."

"Ms. Jenkins, this is extremely risky. We cannot advise it. You'll be refusing further treatment against medical advice."

Rubbing his forehead wearily, Horatio began making his way toward the vehicle contemplating what to say to convince her otherwise.

Suddenly, Val swept past him and made her way straight to her friend's side to his relief. If anyone could change Karen's mind, it would be Val. Whatever issues Karen was facing now could best be addressed by Val. Val had Karen's ear in a way that Horatio was sure he did not at the moment.

Horatio watched the ensuing conversation between the two women yards away with keen interest. He had learned many things during his tenure in law enforcement…one being that friendship could be a powerful force for good or evil, depending, of course, upon one's choice of friends.

Val was a bit wary of him, that he knew. She was protective of Karen in a way that he almost admired. There had been those in his life that he'd considered a friend. He'd valued those relationships knowing they served a useful purpose in his life. But, much like his romantic relationships, a twisted fate had always intervened and the relationships had never lasted.

His earliest friend had been Joey Palacios. Their friendship had been born on the playgrounds of St. Mary's School back in New York and matured into an almost brotherly bond during the years when they'd made the night club circuit in Manhattan. It ended suddenly one rainy night as he'd waited in a bar for Joe, as he now preferred to be called, to join him to celebrate a promotion he'd received received at NYPD. He heard the news on Channel 5…an automobile accident on the Long Island Expressway with fatalities.

He'd recognized one of the mangled vehicles and called his precinct for verification. Joe Palacios was gone. He'd started to drink himself under the table that night, but the bartender intervened and called a cab to take him home. He'd left New York a short time later due the kind of circumstances that he had confided many times to Joe about.

Al Humphries had come along next. 'Big Al' as he'd named him, had been his mentor during his days with the Bomb Squad after his re-location to Miami. That enormous man, with the heart of a giant, had introduced him to the city that he now called home.

He'd always dreamed of having a life like Al's…a beautiful home, a loving wife and perhaps a couple of kids with a respected professional reputation and friends. The job offer from the Homicide Unit created a conflict for him. But in the end, it was something he felt he couldn't turn down and Al had agreed over a drinks one night.

'_Good luck, Horatio, we'll keep in touch.' _Those were Al's parting words as he'd walked Horatio to his car, the red-head carrying a box filled with his desk's contents that Friday afternoon. And for a while, they had maintained regular contact. Cook-outs, holiday celebrations, and department events had kept them close. But after a while, the demands of his new position, along with Raymond's increasing troubles, had caused an unwanted distance. It was always something he'd vowed to rectify until one April morning. A morning that was very similar to this one. The day that a bastard with a grudge took Al from this earth.

The slamming of the emergency vehicle's doors jolted him back to the present. As the vehicle pulled away from the scene, he breathed a sigh of relief. Val's presence had made a difference. Karen, it appeared, had listened to the sweet voice of reason.

"Ma'am…may I have a word please?" he called out as Val began making her way past past him.

"Of course, Lieutenant. What's on your mind?" she's asked tersely.

"I appreciate what you did over there. Thank you for talking some sense into her."

"Karen can be a tough one, Lieutenant. But she's also smart. She knows what's best for her even if she won't always admit it."

"I'm glad you showed up. She wouldn't have agreed to transport without your help. I doubt I could have convinced her."

"Karen should have known better than to come down here today. She's aware of her history and condition. But she's so committed to this place…this idea…this new beginning. It's been her healing of sorts. I'm afraid that this disaster will set her back…way back I'm willing to bet. I've got a call in to Charley. Karen will need him desperately I'm afraid. All of this once again...it could be devastating," Val replied somberly as she glanced toward the burned-out building.

"Ah, so she's asking for Charley, I presume."

"No, she hasn't mentioned Charley. But she will need him...that I'm sure of. There are certain times Karen needs Charley around even if she won't always admit that. I hope he was there for her last evening. Last evening was a milestone for her."

"Was there something significant about last evening?" Horatio queried with interest.

"Surely you know, Lieutenant. Surely Karen has told you about the significance of all of yesterday and why all of this is so important to her," Val answered incredulously.

"Karen has told me a little about her past but not in any great detail. Is there something I should know?"

"Lieutenant, I thought she had told you about...about...her personal issues. I'm sorry…I thought you knew," Val said running her fingers through her hair.

"Once again, is Karen ill? And why is Charley so...indispensable?"

"Karen has survived a personal hell that few women could ever imagine. And as far as Charley is concerned, well, let's just say that without Charley...there would be no Karen Jenkins. It's her place to tell you more, Lieutenant. I will not betray her trust. Some things belong solely to her."

"Fair enough. But if there is something going on with her, I want to know about it. I need to know about it."

"Are you sure? Karen tells me you think she had something to do with this fire. If you truly believe that, then you are way off the mark, Lieutenant. But, in the best interest of my friend, I'll tell you this much…I think Karen might be in some danger and I'm not talking about her health."

"Talk to me," Horatio said with a sideways glance.

"A few weeks ago Karen gave assistance to someone that perhaps she shouldn't have. That was one thing I couldn't talk her out of no matter how hard I tried. It has upset some up in this community…a rather dangerous element in this community. I probably shouldn't be seen talking to you. I've got kids to protect," Val whispered tersely.

"Could this dangerous element be gathering across the street? The ones who are watching us so intently and seem rather pleased at what has happened here."

"I've already told you.I don't know anything, Lieutenant! Do your own investigation! Leave innocent people alone," Val retorted loudly.

"Understood. Thank you ma'am. You've been very helpful," Horatio replied as he walked away.

TBC


End file.
